A Thrill of Hope

Time is a frenemy. It races when we want slow. It crawls when we’d rather move on. It is home to our lowest lows and our highest highs. We can’t control it, only embrace it, cherish it, acknowledge it.

Time is something that troubles me. I’m constantly worked up about it. Not having enough. Having too much. I’m never satisfied. I waste the time I do have worrying about all the time I think I don’t have.
Time is a gift, a precious one. It is to be valued, utilized, distributed wisely. And I intend to focus on that in the coming year.

I’m not one to make New Years Resolutions. It may just be the cynic inside me, but they seem like a shallow show. Everyone posts their resolutions on Facebook to see how many likes and “wow good for you!” comments they can collect with minuscule intentions of actually following through. I will not make empty promises to exercise more. I’m not going to tell myself that this year will be different, that I’ll finally stick to all these goals to better myself. New Year New Me. No. I hate that saying.

I know Christmas is over, but is it really? No. Christmas is always relevant. O Holy Night is my favorite Christmas song, without a doubt, forever. A specific verse has resonated with me this holiday season and it touches on what I’m going to focus on more, starting now.

Long lay the world in sin and error pining
‘Til He appeared and the soul felt its worth

The arrival of hope, of purpose, of worth. In this situation, I am the world. I want something good, but continue in my ways that only lead to something bad. Pining is defined as “yearning deeply; suffering with longing.” And I do it for a long time. Like, forever. There’s no way for me to lift myself out of my own hole. I sit in my own grave, dreaming of life.

Until.

When He appeared, my soul felt its worth. Before Christ, my soul could not appreciate its own worth. It felt no purpose, it was confused. But with Him, I can know for certain why I’m here.

The end of the matter; all has been heard. Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man.
Ecclesiastes 12:13

I am here to love Him, to fear Him, to serve Him. In doing these things, I feel my worth, I feel His love, I find my place in this crazy world. Through obedience, my life can be a light to others.

2015 has been an overwhelming year, giving me a lifetime of experiences and lessons in 365 quick days. I could talk for eternity about my travels. But, at the heart of all those beautiful trips were people. That is where my heart is focusing right now. People.
After meeting me it isn’t exactly difficult to figure out my personality. I am sarcastic and sassy, strong willed and a natural leader. I desperately want everyone to like me. But there are traits that go unseen. I am often quick to judge, but keep my judgements silent to myself. I desire control but try to hide behind the mask of a team player. I usually believe I’m right and you’re wrong. Through patches of low self confidence I somehow stay prideful. I don’t even know how that’s possible, but it’s something I’m working on.

2016 will be a year of more change, I have no doubt. I will graduate college. I will begin the transition to “real adult life” by finding a “real job” (if I actually figure out what I want to do). I’ll work my third summer with Fuge. I’ll meet people who challenge me. I will challenge people. But I will do all of this while seeking to fulfill my ultimate purpose.

New Year New Me is totally irrelevant. My New Me made her debut the moment I chose to follow Christ. It’s not a once-a-year thing. It’s an every day, every hour, every moment thing. My New Me has been growing and learning since I was a child, and she will continue down a path that is pleasing and honoring to her Father. This move from 2015 to 2016 will not change that.

I have been much more aware of the worth of the soul lately. I want those around me to feel the value and purpose that I feel. I pray that my life radiates the love and joy of salvation. The relief that I don’t have to be in control. The satisfaction that I am exactly what I was created to be.

I want to actively reach out to people. I don’t want to be a passive friend. I want people to know that they are valued and appreciated and important. I want them to realize how freeing it is to not be self-serving. I want to put others before myself. I don’t want to see anyone as an annoyance or an inconvenience. I want to be an imitator of Christ.  To love people for who God made them to be, in His image. Not who I wish they were. I want Jesus’ heart for man, both lost and found.

A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices
For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn

Tomorrow morning is a beginning. A glorious morn.
Life can make us weary. We are beaten and bruised by this dark world. We lose sight of the light. We crave a brighter future. But what a thrill of hope. His mercies are new every morning. He doesn’t give up on us or leave us to sulk in our self-thrown pity parties. That’s a reason to rejoice.

“The future is something which everyone reaches at the rate of sixty minutes an hour, whatever he does, whoever he is.”
― C.S. Lewis